eye opening chat

After dinner with my host dad tonight, we started to vent to each other about life and our worries.  He told me about how he is trying to keep his familys future comfortable; how he is trying to keep his life stable.  He went into saying his plans for his life and how he would like his childrens lives to turn out.  He is genuinely concerned about happiness.  Although I think planning out every year of your life is not the best thing, the goal behind him doing that is spot on.  We got to talking about personalities and ways of living.  His job is to analyze people that his company hires to see if they are really qualified.  Then he told me how he has been trying to figure me out.  At first, it took be by surprise.  But after hearing his thoughts and me telling him about myself, I realized that I need to figure myself out.  I told him how I worry about everything and that I am extremely shy.  The things that he told me about personalities and myself were so accurate it was eye opening.  "Out of all the american students that we've had (7 in total), your door has been open the most.  Yet you have told us that you are very shy.  I personally love how your door has been open and you let us in."  I think that statement is one definition of who I am.  I may not initiate conversations or put myself out there, but my door is always open.  I am always open to conversation and new things.  He then started to ask me why I think I am shy and what makes me so shy? is it because I have always been told I am? or because it is comfortable to be so?  Those are amazing questions.  He told me to think about those ideas and see if the shyness and other aspects of myself balance each other out, showing that I am shy, or if I am acting shy because it is comfortable.  This is crazy.  What to think?  I am saying that it is a combination of the two.  Right now, being shy throughout my life has made me comfortable with being introverted. Maybe?  

In the beginning of my stay here, near the end of the first month, he told me that he had a dream about me.  He said he dreamt that I would be something special.  He also said that his dreams usually come true.  I took that as a compliment, but didn't think to much about it.  However, he would always bring it up when we talked one on one; saying that there was something about that dream.  After tonight, and finding out not only something about myself but that he is very in tune with personalities, I have never felt so questionable and so complimented especially at the same time.  Talking with him tonight really made me think about myself and about who I am.  I realized that I don't truly know who I am yet.  While that is semi-scary, this conversation opened my eyes.  It made me realize that it is ok to question things.  It is ok to be unsure, to be worried, to be uneasy.  The only thing I can do is think, question, wonder, and at some point find out.