We Have to Make it Right

I do not understand any of this.  How do we live in a world where racism and sexism and denial of basic human rights are still prevalent?  How do we live in a world where killings and murders and terror attacks are frequent all over the globe? How is it that in the year 2016, after a history of repeated violence, after thousands of years of war and genocide and rape, human beings as a whole have not changed? It is deeply saddening and overall confusing.  It all blows my mind.  Rapists are not being punished.  Terrorists are increasingly attacking. Fights about race are ever present.  Don't get me started on how, during all of this, there's a good chance that the American government might be run by a hypocritical racist with no governmental experience in need of a mental checkup.

Please, don't stop having strong opinions.  Don't stop following your dreams and standing up for what you believe in because that is one aspect that makes America great and how major change comes about.  But when those views and actions cause inexcusable attacks and put the lives of the public in danger, a line must be drawn.  I realize it only takes one person to cause such pain and damage.  However, on that same note, it only takes one person and a small act of kindness to get the positivity ball rolling.

History repeats itself folks.  Religious war and civil rights being common themes.  It's about time we set a new course.  No, I do not have a solution or a plan.  I'm not sure what I, a young twenty-something who is unsure of where his life is headed, can do about all this but it is seriously mind-boggling and upsetting.  If my heart is hurting and I'm here questioning this with the mindset for positive change, as I know millions of others are as well, why are these problems still in existence? We as a society need to find the answer and find the solution.  All of it has gone on for long enough.  We can not change the past nor just sit and 'hope for the best'.  We have to write the future how it should become.  We have the make it right.  Somehow.   

'Euology' of Feelings

It's only been twelve days.  Twelve days without you here.  Twelve days full of fog and emotion.  It has been beyond surreal. Unreal.  It hasn't truly hit me and I'm unsure if that is good or bad.  Reality seems to suck now.  All of the silly drama from day to day is even more intolerable.  All of the hugs and love coming our way are great.  All of the statements of 'Please let me know if you need anything' seem sincere but are kind of empty comments.  What I need is you.  What I need is your hug.  I need to see your smile. I crave it more than anything I ever have.  Knowing that it's unobtainable is heart wrenching.  That's life I guess.. full of unexpected and painful things that we all must experience & push through.. Cheers to you dad.  Forever & always on my mind. Eternally in my heart.

The Big ‘C’

We all know what it stands for.  We all know how devastating it can be.  It starts off being daunting and paralyzing.  It grows into something that takes over.  It takes over physically, mentally, thoroughly.  The ever growing nightmare.  The seemingly never ending battle.  Hope grows and good vibes grow.  However, the uncertainty is always there.  All the what if’s and how’s come to the forefront.  It’ll be ok.  It’ll pass.  We’ll step over this enormous hurtle and come over stronger on the other side.  Thoughts that help us to push forward.  Unknowing at the time that the other side would be missing the only thing we were fighting for.  The puzzle piece to our lives now lost forever.  That missing piece forever creating a hole in our hearts.  As the days grow into weeks that grow into months growing into years, that hole may grow closed with scar tissue.  An everlasting reminder of this time.  It’s a time of loss and fear.  Now, the big ‘c’ can take on new meaning.  We realize that the missing puzzle piece in our lives turns this horrible big ‘c’ into courage, care, communication, compassion.  Making each and every one of us feel lucky.  Lucky to be here able to experience life.  We are able to experience the emotions and joys and amazing things still yet to come.  We need to feel grateful; grateful to have known a truly amazing soul. A soul that was completely selfless.  A soul that would reach into your heart, giving it a huge bear hug until you could no longer breath.  A soul whose smile was beyond words. And when words were present, usually in the form of a corny half funny joke or sentimental story that brought tears to his eyes you knew you were in the presence of greatness.  The hugs and smiles, jokes and stories drew emotions from every person around.  A feeling of contentment and happiness were ever present.  These are the things we need to remember.  They’ll be the things to cherish.  They’ll be the things to help mend our broken hearts.   

 I always knew I had a great dad. Taking us on camping trips and bowling nights.  Becoming a constant chauffer for us and our friends without a complaint.  I always knew he was proud of us.  Bragging to everyone he knew about our accomplishments as much as he could.  I always knew I had his love and support.  Hearing from others how, we, his children were his greatest treasure, motivation, sense of pride, and sole reason for doing all he did makes me feel humble and amazed.  It wasn’t until now that I realized just how much he had touched every person around him.  Hearing stories from friends and family has opened my eyes even further to see how truly amazing he was.  He was amazing in a subtle way. A gentle soul.  He wasn’t outspoken or outrageous.  He didn’t know the word no. He wasn’t outgoing and he wasn’t the life of the party.  But he was the rock.  The person who was needed.  Although, when the Mets scored a run, he became the loudest person around.  You’d hear him from miles away.  Startled by the loudest cheer & clap you’ve ever heard.

Realizing that all of my friends see him as their second dad is inspiring.  All of his friends seeing him as a wonderful spirit brings me happiness.  The great man.  The man who brought comfort and care.  We’re all here to celebrate how awesome he was.  We’re here to celebrate how awesome he made us feel.  We’re all here together.  Together we will all break through this wall of sadness, and with his soul on our shoulders, we will be stronger on the other side. 

I'm The Guy

THE GUY. The one who is always there for a friend in need.  A shoulder to cry on.  A hand to hold.  The one who people are drawn to for a listening ear.  I'm also the guy who faces many tissues alone.  Fighting my own thoughts & internal battles by myself. Still, a guy who would do anything to make another smile.  Do everything I can to diminish a problem, mediate in a time of stress, alleviate emotional trauma.  Dump it all on me.  I welcome it.  If it means helping someone's happiness, lay that shit on me.  I am much stronger than I look ;)

THE GUY all friends go to for advice on relationships, life, job stress, romance, family problems, friendship issues, drama galore, clothing recommendations, hair consultations and I LOVE it.  I cherish the fact that I can have even a small impact on someone's life.  That could mean getting their mind off of a serious topic, a guy, a girl, a blouse.  Helping them to make an important decision.  Forcing them to analyze their emotions and reach deep.  Making them laugh until they cry.  Making them cry until they laugh.  This makes life worth living. 

I am THE GUY who can not make a relationship last more than a few months, no life of romance, I don't have a perfect sense of who I am by far, no such thing as a life without problems.  But do people realize that? I give solid advice whole heartedly yet there's a sense of uncertainty on my end.  Do others realize that, I too, need that hand, that shoulder, that ear on occasion?

Recently more than ever,  I'm the guy to be the mediator.  Trying to diminish small fires before they engulf a family.  I'm the guy with a wide smile in the situation of overwhelming frustration.  Trying to enlighten & brighten with sunshine and rainbows.  I'm the one with the seat belt on in the car for hours with ears & heart wide open. Trying to take away that emotional burden and crush it beneath my tires if that means helping you to drive forward.

This guy does not want recognition.  Not looking for a pat on the back. No.  I don't want to be rewarded for kindness or generosity.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  In life,  showing you care requires action.  The presence of love needs to be shown.  A smile, a thank you, a hug.  They all can do wonders.

'Hey you ok?.. you were very quiet today' 

Such a simple yet powerful text.  It brought unexpected tears to my eyes.  No one has really asked how I am in the recent months.  I know I'm the guy to internalize.  I hold in my emotions causing holes in my heart.  I let the stresses form ulcers in my stomach.  It felt nice to have someone notice that maybe I'm not ok.  My guard is falling and maybe that's not such a bad thing. 

Hey you ok?  Ya know, no, I'm not.  But that in itself is ok.  I'm the guy.  The one who will get through all of this with a smile on his face... just wondering if there might be a shoulder waiting for my head to fall when the weight becomes too heavy. 

Cawffee Tawk Ventin'

As it's been quite some time since my last post, I'm unsure of where to begin.  It feels like I was just venting about life going into 2014 thinking about how reality was starting to kick my ass when now we are heading into 2016.  The same feeling exists with varying extremes.  Instead of feeling like life is kicking me in the tush, an overwhelming emotion of the year has been gratefulness.  Events and situations have been thrown on me that made me realize how special and important and altogether too short life can be. 

As I sit here sipping from my #cawffee mug (best gift of the year) thinking about the past few years, I am easily overwhelmed.  It has been quite a year to say the least.  Stretching back to almost two years ago, this roller coaster ride has had it's many ups & downs, twists & turns, abrupt stops and full blast adrenaline pumping shots forward.  Emotions running wild.  Feelings of confusion, happiness, insecurity, growth, loneliness, and love all coming to the forefront competing for their chance in the spotlight on the stage which is my life.  At times feeling consistently stuck & longing for something of which I am unsure.  Other times I sit feeling content & happy with those who surround me.  The mind is a funny thing.  It can be used as a tool to propel yourself in any direction you choose.  It can also be the deadbolt in place keeping you suppressed in ways you can't describe.  Whether those reasons holding you back are tangible, mental, or self imposed the mind is the greatest battle field of all. 

I've come to realize that life is unexplainable & unexpected and we are all very much unprepared for what is has in store.  As many of us twenty-somethings and beyond are in search of our happiness, life can seem cruel and unfair.  Hello, here's an obstacle for you to jump over.  Oh wait, now you can be happy for just one second.  Time's up, let me beat you down once more.  Ok, you're good to go on your merry way.  Just kidding, here's another wrench to unscrew the nuts & bolts you've worked hard to put in place for your life plans. 

I certainly am not solely speaking for myself.  This is a constant in many lives. This is also only looking at one perspective of negativity in life.  Is it not the negative aspects that make us appreciate all the positive? We may learn from the mistakes and hard times.  They may be the reason why we can enjoy and cherish the good.  Analyzing such things is enough to drive anyone mad.  Such is life I suppose.  Though focusing on the positive can be truly trying and exhausting.

Aiming to look past a death in ones family.  Trying to figure out the next best step for you & your family.  A diagnosis that feels like a stab to the heart.  The loss of a friend feels like a punch to the face.  A break-up that feels like a knee to the groin.  All adding bruises that stay beneath the service and, however unlikely, push you forward. 

As 2016 quickly approaches, I've realized that however unintentional, I have grown as a person.  Truly grateful to have met or just interacted with various people who have opened my eyes. 

Friends who've had successful relationships and goals obtained.  Friends who have been struggling to find their niche.  Helping each other to take the next step even if small.  Feeling secretly jealous of best friends getting married and having children all while being tremendously overjoyed for them.  Such events throw loneliness in my face while at the same time give me hope. 

People who you spend most of your time with throughout the day showing you the kind of person or life you'd like to achieve one day.  Or not.  Giving you different perspectives and ways to approach life.  

Multiple, yet brief, relationships have taught me what I want and what I'm not willing to compromise on.  They've taught me that I am special and unique.  I am caring & kind.  I shouldn't change my goals or beliefs to feel 'normal' whatever that may mean.  These romantic (or far from it) situations have also opened me up to expressing my true self.  They have opened me up to my family in ways I didn't plan.  They have also made me somewhat more comfortable in my own skin (it's a slow process in this area).  Being seen by many as sexually confused, that abnormal guy who hasn't been in a serious relationship, they were always questioning if I'm gay or straight or asexual.  Yes, that has been said.  Hurtful comments only adding to my confusion growing up.  Recently realizing the fluidity of love is where it's strength lies. Love for yourself is key.  Love for another is selfless & amazing.  Family member or friend.  Acquaintance or familiar face. Boy or Girl.  Love is love.  I'm just me. 

2014 is comin' up fast

Apparently, I'm no longer good at keeping up at writing new posts. My excuse is that life has taken over and the monotonous reality of adult life is all too consuming.  Sadly,  that is the case for most people my age which is something I'm beginning to realize.  Just graduating from college, finding a new job, paying bills & student loans, trying to find your purpose in life are all issues on the minds of many. The focus of many twenty-somethings boils down to soul searching.  Searching for the job that speaks to you, searching for true love, searching for what to do next.  People always say that your twenties are the best years of your life..  That thought has yet to cross my mind. 

No, these years have not been horrible.  No, nothing negative has happened.  No, I really have nothing to complain about. 

My quarter-life-crisis-thought-process has taken over and the realization that my friends and I are growing older is hitting me.  My self-consciousness and self ridicule are going strong. 
 
Let's break it down..  I've done the math (very loosely):  9 out of 10 of my friends is in a relationship.  5 out of 10 of those is in a serious relationship. 3 out of 10 are engaged. Here I am, my lonely single self - the 1 out of 10, typing up a blog post while a friend texts me that she is engaged.  For serious.  Literally best & most ironic timing in the world.

As I sit here and type this post about being lonely & semi depressed, I start to question why.  There is no reason to wonder why I'm the only one of my friends who is single.  No reason to question my life and purpose.  No reason to think that there is something wrong.  I am a successful 24 year old, with a roof over my head, a job in New York City, with loving friends & family and am the sole reason for the pressure I'm feeling.  It is all in my head.  (Something I am still learning and repeating to myself).

It's time to focus on the blessings and less on the what-ifs.  Life is full of what-ifs and infinite possibilities.  Not all people are lucky enough to have the simple blessings that most people take for granted.  That is the moral of todays worries. Spread happiness & positivity and stop questioning silly little things. 

That is my cheesy, semi-depressing, semi-positive seeking rant for today. At this point, My Life After Copenhagen is all over the map :)   

My Life Now... Positive Craziness

I haven't created a new blog post in over half a year! that's craziness.  It's been a rough few months searching for jobs, going on interviews, worrying about life, and being anxious about what will come next.  Fortunately, things are starting to get better.  What should I start talking about? A lot has happened since my last post.  I've spent countless hours searching for job posts online.  I spent full days sending out resumes.  I've had numerous nights of sleeplessness.  I gave almost 2 months of my life to retail..  My days were becoming a blur.  The occasional interview that popped up added a bit of nervous excitement.  Soon enough, I put an ad up on a website to try to gain some sort of attention from job seekers or clients and with the holiday season among us, I took a break from the job search.  I was losing hope.  

8 weeks ago, someone responded to my ad.  It was a man who was buying a home that he wants to design.  Can you believe it? He contacted me to redesign his home! while this may or may not happen, it made my heart skip a beat.  We e-mailed back and forth and concluded that he would contact me in January after closing.  Craziness! 

4 weeks ago, another person responded to my ad.  It was a man who owns a design studio in the city who was looking for an assistant.  He was interested in me? This was certainly a boost in my confidence because he found me.  We set up an interview a couple weeks ago and.... I GOT THE JOB! and I start next week... super craziness!

1 week ago, yet another person responded to my ad.  It was a woman who wants to redesign her apartment in the city and she was interested in learning more about me and my style.  Seriously? 3 people in 2 months who are interested in me and what I can do.  While she hasn't emailed me back, things are definately looking better. 

Ok, now it sort of sounding like I am bragging.  My bad.  I'm kind of happy right now :)

My Life After Copenhagen... Full of Ups & Downs

It has been a long time since my last post and so much has happened.  While not much of it was planned nor wanted, it was unavoidable.  Like I have said before, I am not very good when it comes to change. Since my last post, life has been a literal roller coaster ride, one that I did not voluntarily jump on to.  We have lost the two most important people in the family, the glue as some would say.  Although the wakes and funerals and awkward family moments were rough, things started to look a bit brighter.  I finally graduated from that torturous place called Pratt Institute with honors and everyone seemed to be slowly getting back on track.  Within the past 6 months, things have happened that I never thought would have... let alone within half a year.  Now it's time to redo the house, move things around, search for a job, go on interviews, suck up to possible employers, and deal with normal family drama.  While I know I'm sounding depressed and annoyed, things have been frustrating.  I just have to keep telling myself that I am lucky.  I have everything I need.  However, right now it's like the roller coaster has gotten stuck at the bottom waiting for a repair.  Ok, that is a bit dramatic, but I've been sitting on my couch for weeks watching ghost whisperer re-runs while getting lost in a search for a job on craigslist.  Both of which I've lost sleep over.  So, being a bored design student, my house is slowly getting a makeover.  I painted my room, found furniture in someones garbage, bought bedding, painted the living room, and hauled furniture in and out.  While my body is a bit soar, my wallet a bit empty and the house a bit nicer... boredom still finds its way in.  As I sit here in the redesigned living room with my feet up on my mom's new coffee table, I wonder if I'll ever find a job, if I'll ever move out, if I'll ever stop worrying.  Then those thoughts are interupted when I hear my dog snoring beneath my legs and I think... at least I'm not as bored as her.... sigh...I'm comparing my life to that of my dog.

Perpetual change

This year has been all about changes.  There have changes in school regarding thesis and classes.  There have been advances in work.  There have been set backs in the family.  Some say change is good.  I hate change.  It is uncomfortable and stressful.  After the recent death in the family, I've had all the change I can handle.  However, more is to come.  Graduation is approaching fast.  Worries about the future and a career are increasing.  Family members are still ill.  I thought spring break would be relaxing.  I thought it would be a change for the better.  I was wrong.  Upon returning home, thoughts and discussions about the near future and what negative things may happen didn't boost my mood so much.  I'm not feelin so perky this week.  Not only is this week filled with homework, but it is filled with a sense of dread.  While friends are relaxing on spring break at home or at some warm beachy location, I am sitting on my bed enveloped in my thoughts.  I won't vent about our family problems but things are going to drastically change (as if they hadn't done so enough already).  The question isn't if we'll make it through, the question is how?  Thoughts are swirling through my head.  A lack of focus is paralyzing.  My mom says to take things one day at a time.  Does she know who she's talking to? I am the definition of a worry wart.  Focus on today? yeah right.  

Stonger

A death in the family is always hard to deal with.  It's hard to stay strong and hopeful.  It's hard to get through the day.  Time goes on, however, no matter how much you wish it could pause to gather your thoughts and strength.  The past few days have been the hardest ever.  Losing someone who was loved by many was made a bit easier because of that love.  In such cases, it may feel like love is lost or that love may not be enough.  But coupled with the hopes and prayers of family, as well as an encouraging smile or thought, it is exactly that love that helped everyone move forward.  While this may be depressing and saddening, that is exactly how this week has been.  It's so hard to see those you love go through so much pain.  It's hard to try to stay strong and push everyone towards the future.  Like stated in the last post, the poem about strength, the future seems paralyzing and that never felt more true.  However, we all made it through with an even stronger bond with each other.  The day's will continue to pass and the love will continue to grow.  Some looked for strength in god, some looked for strength in hope, some looked for strength in each other....I looked for strength in my grandma.  She was the heart of the family and will continue to be so.  She has made the entire family stronger and I couldn't be more grateful.  

Yesterday, the wake, while a bit awkward, was the first step forward.  The gathering of family and friends to celebrate a wonderful life was just that, a celebration.  My little cousin jonah doesn't know that my grandma has passed.  His parents told him that it was "a celebration for Grammy."  Being a curious 4 year old, he questioned it.  Upon arriving at the wake, he asked "where's Grammy?"  While we're all asking that same question in one way or another, he seemed confused.  How could we be celebrating her if she wasn't there?  His question made us choke up.  How should we asnwer that?  Since him and his sister started talking they always called baby Jesus 'baby cheez-it' because  they couldn't pronounce it.  So, his mom told him "Grammy is with baby cheez-it now."  He chuckled then stated "but I don't see baby cheez-it."  So we responded that he is everywhere.  Jonah seemed content with that answer.  An innocent mind blind to the thought of death seems almost unfair.  In some ways, we all wished we could be shielded from this event, our feelings, and the days to come; we all wanted to be that young and innocent little boy if only for a moment.  We all wanted to forget about our worries and thoughts just to be content.  In other ways, we needed to push through it and move on.  The only thing left to do is stay strong and that seems like the hardest part.           

Strength

With each passing day, it gets worse.

 With each new worry, it draws nearer.

 When will it end? When will love be the only thing we have?

The thought of it can make one sick.

The anxiety is a killer.

 Love may be powerful.

 Love may be eternal.

But love won't save the day.

With each new scary thought, the heart pounds.

With each update of news, the stomach sinks.

When will it end? Will love be enough?

The thoughts of death can make one ill.

The future seems paralyzing. 

Emotions may be strong.

Emotions may be forceful.

But emotions won't last forever.

With each hug from a family member, strength grows.

With each statement of "I love you," spirits rise.

When will it end? Will love grow stronger?

The thoughts of life are daunting. 

The days grow longer.

Love may grow.

Love may stumble.

But in the hearts of family, love will prosper.

Lazy Saturday Full of Wonder

As I sit in my room at home this weekend, there are so many thoughts flying around in my head.  Trying to come up with a few design schemes for monday is consistantly interrupted by worries.  I'm worrying about school, about my family, about time in general.  As you all should know by now, worrying is kind of my specialty.  While this weekend should be about celebration, the multiple birthday's are kind of put on the back burner while worrying about sickness is the main act.  As I've said before, there's a lot going on.  I'm trying to stay focused on the positive while attempting to focus on my work.  I'm definately not complaining about my life, I'm just contemplating what seems so unfair.  All of these recent events have made me realize how lucky I am while making me realize that worrying about the placement of walls or program spaces or transitions on a floorplan are not worth it when compared to the bigger picture.  As I sit here on my bed in a pool of trace paper and pencils, as the sun is slowly setting, I can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring.  Should I wonder if my drawings will be enough or if my family will gain the will power to move on to another day?  There's really no competition.

Design Frustration

Analysis may be important like that of the site, program, concept, lighting, materiality, spatial transitions, etc.  The list can go on and on.  I've reached a point where I do not have a clue of what else to produce.  Diagram after diagram on board after board.  When does it end?  Should I make study models as space fillers?  I don't want to repeat anything but I feel like I don't have enough.  With the first presentation of the semester tomorrow, I hope to start off on the right foot.  The fact that I've already gotten stuck is not such a good sign.  I have my concept down.  I have a solid program.  I have a perfect site.  The only thing I'm missing is the mindset to focus and produce something.  Granted, I've went through an entire pad of trace paper creating diagrams and concept sketches but in the end only a select few seem relevant.  As the thought of presenting tomorrow ways heavy on my shoulders, I'll give you a sneak peek of what I have:

Thesis Statement:

To create new definitions of spatial transitions, mobility, and flexibility through exploring spatial outcomes and needs for the physically disabled in making a gathering activity hub for children.

Concept: 

When thinking of children, play, and activity, one thing that comes to mind is a playground.  It is a symbol of childhood play.  However, most physically disabled children can not utilize everything a playground has to offer.  So my concept is to adapt the idea of a playground and translate it into a spatial activity landscape. 

Program applied to a Playground

Playground = Activity Landscape



Sicknesss In The Air

Spring semester has begun and the workload is coming, hopefully I am prepared.  What I wasn't prepared for was the amount of loved ones who are seriously sick.  I like to believe things happen for a reason but it's hard to justify such illnesses happening to such great people.  A woman who has been hardworking and selfless her whole life shouldn't be in and out of the hospital with lung cancer.  A young woman who has her whole future ahead of her full of goals and success should be stressing about her next presentation, not about cancer.  A young girl who has the brightest personality and the most contagious laugh should be running in the playground with her friends and not having more risky surgeries in her 5 years of life than most people have in their lifetime.  It's things like these that really motivate me to seek health and happiness.  These people and what they are going through have made me realize that the little things I usually stress over are seriously not worth it.  With that being said, I am now extremely worried about them, but at least I've moved on to legitimate things to worry about.  On a lighter note, I have been going to the gym everyday this week.  I know it's somewhat surprising.  Why would a guy who looks like a string bean be going to the gym?  Well, I'm attempting to gain some muscle which is pretty hard when you have no mass to work with.  I can't even gain weight from eating a lot of food but we shall see.  At first I was hesitant to go to the gym because I felt like I would stick out against all the macho men who are the usual gym-goers.  However, it wasn't too bad.  I did stick out a bit but I got over it.  I just realized that they had to start from scratch at some point too.  It's been 4 days and I'm pretty sore.  I'm starting to see a slight change, I guess it's muscle definition and not gain but it's progress nonetheless =] 

The Start of The End

As my last semester at Pratt approaches, much faster than I wanted, a rush of emotions is coming over me.  Although I'm often worried and anxious, this feels different.  I'm nervous, full of dread, scared, and excited.  It's a mixture of many feelings that I can't avoid.  I am so ready to get out of school yet I'm not ready to head into reality.  I am dreading the 'real world' yet ready to leave the stresses of pratt behind.  I'm scared of this last semester and what it may bring, but I'm excited to finally finish.  I don't have a choice in the direct outcome of this semester let alone my entire career as a student.  My mom has always said "all you can do is your best" and that's exactly what I've done.  I've made it through 18 long years of school with so much in my brain, little in my pocket, and many in my heart.  The first day of classes for the spring semester is tomorrow which I can not believe.  It feels like winter break never began and like the holidays have yet to happen.  With worries about my classes and thesis swirling in my head, lets just add the thought of grad school into the mix.  While I thought I was approaching the end of being in school, thinking graduate school might be a waste at this point, I'm starting to reconsider.  It may be getting late to apply but we'll see.  I have no idea what I would major in or where I would go but the thoughts are now in my mind.  There are so many things to think about and worry about with school, the future, and my family.  All of these things in the mind of such a worry wart is probably not a good thing.  However, like always I'll kill some nerves and get through it.  It seems like an eternity away, but at the rate time is flying by it will be over in no time. 

Sleeping Arrangement Update

Although I was somewhat sad to see my last sleeping partner leave, I am much happier with the more normal sleeping arrangement.  I now have a normal bed that rests 1'6" off the floor rather than from the ceiling.  It took me a total of 13 hours to complete the update which included cleaning out all the clutter from the bed, under the bed, on the desk, and on the shelf.  That part of the process left my room looking like a tornado hit with mountains of debri.  The next step was disassembling the loft bed.  This wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I guess I must thank Ikea for that.  After bringing the remains of the bed outside, it was time to put together and stain my new resting place.  The disassembling and putting together of the beds was thought to be the most time consuming.  However, the organization and cleaning up the aftermath took the most time but was well worth it.  While 80% of my furniture is from ikea, my room does not look like an ikea showroom which I am happy about.  Overall I am very pleased.  As I write this post on my new bed, I'm just excited to have my computer on my lap while sitting upright.  On the loft bed, I couldn't even lift up my head.  While the aroma of the bombay mahogany stain still lingers, it is clowded by the joy of having an organized normal sleeping area.  

 

To sleep with another or not?

As sad as it is to say this, I think we must go our separate ways.  The one who I've spent many nights with for 6 years is no longer the one I wish to sleep with.  The sheen and height of your legs and the storage capacity were so great, but the comfort I've felt with you is seemingly drifting away.  I want one who is not so tall, not so cluttered, and not so noisy.  Is that too much to ask?  ....while many of you may be in shock of such words coming out of my mouth, what you don't know is that I'm ready to move on.  I'm ready for....................a normal..............bed.  Yup, I said a normal bed.  My current bed, which I've loved, is a loft bed/desk combo from ikea which just isn't working for me anymore.  I'm over it!

  

This bed is super functional, space saving, and good looking but it just isn't working for me anymore.  Clutter central is now under the desk.  The desk surface is now a collecter of random artifcacts, a menagerie of storage devices, and things that become misplaced.  The shelf is now a niche to hold old models from past projects and random books.  The actual sleeping surface is, well... only 1' 6" from my ceiling.  Enough said.  It is now time for a new, normal, and cheap bed that rests on the floor.  It will not only force me to get rid of my clutter, but imagine trying to change the sheets on this thing.  It's a bit of a work out.       

The new year is supposed to be the perfect time to change for the better.  Some people promise to become better people, get healthier, follow their dreams.  It's a time to change those things that bug you; a time to make changes that better oneself or others.  With this in mind, I can't help but to wonder why some people aren't taking advantage of this.  They're sticking to their old ways of being frustrated and easily annoyed.  They're still contemplating things and ideas that should have disappeared.  The new year is also a good excuse to expand your love.  Whether that means with hobbys, friends, or family.  To me, it seems like some people are stuck.  They are stuck thinking that they are correct at all times when, in fact, they are being very closed minded.  Stop getting annoyed at little things that you know are not worth it.  Stop getting frustrated with things that are easily changeable.  Stop being ungrateful.  Your alive and healthy and you have people that love you.  If you're too stubborn to see that, that should be your resolution.  Just realizing that those stupid things that make you so frustrated are seriously not worth it could make your life that much better.  Don't risk relationships and emotions over such things.  Be grateful for things you have, actions that have been done for you, and the people that are in your life.  You never know when things will change and you never know what tomorrow will bring.  Don't get hung up on the one thing that annoys you out of the million things that make you happy.  

So that was my new years rant.  Enjoy the message and take it to heart =]  happy new year!   

As The New Year Approaches

A few weeks ago, I never thought that winter break would come.  A few months ago, I never thought my senior year would start.  A few years ago, graduating from college was not even a thought in my mind yet.  It is now only 2 days from the new year, and I can't believe how fast time is flying by.  That's the one thing I dislike about growing up, how increasingly fast time goes.  It doesn't feel like Christmas has happened yet, and it surely doesn't feel like the fall semester is over.  On a brighter note, it looks like we might be having our first successful new years eve party =]  Granted, there will only be 7 people, but it's much better than  previous planned extravaganzas.  I actually like smaller parties anyway.  It will hopefully be a fun filled evening of wii dancing and taco dip eating.  As for new years day, the new season of "Dear Genevieve" begins =]  My friends and entire family have been asking me when the new episodes with air.  Great aunts and friends grandmothers are even interested.  Who knew my mother would tell so many people.  Anyways, here's to hoping for an amazing new year full of health and prosperity.  Cheers!        

Christmas gifts

So Christmas is in 3 days. Can you believe it? While most people are rushing around to find their last minute gifts, I'm done.  I was at the mall yesterday to hang out with my friend around 1:00 pm.  I would have thought that most people would be working since it was in the middle of the day but no.  The mall was super crowded with mothers scrambling their young children from store to store, boyfriends and girlfriends trying to find that last minute special.  Fortunately I finished my christmas shopping the other day and don't have anything to stress about.  Well, at least about presents.  Unfortunately, I'm worrying about my grandpa who is in the hospital and we don't know when he's coming home and my grandma is super sick =[  I'm just praying we can spend christmas together and forget about all of the negative things that are going on.  We shall see.  Ok, now that I'm a tad depressed, I'll tell you about all of my christmas deals.  Like many people, I had a good amount to buy.  I had to shop for 17 people.  I didn't know what I would do.  I started to worry because I'm a college student with no job.  Thankfully I had some money saved but I still was unsure of how to make this work.  17 people? that's crazy! So inbetween my finals and presentations I searched websites for some deals.  While most people think that the best deals are right after thanksgiving, their actually right before christmas both online and in stores.  Usually I'm somewhat against shopping for gifts because I much prefer handmade things.  However I mixed it up this year with some of each.  In total I spent $160 on those 17 people.  I think thats a pretty good bargain =]  some of you may be thinking that I just got some stupid little things but that is where you'd be wrong.  I bought sweaters, shirts, cashmere scarves, movies, etc.  All of the basic loveable gifts that many people spend a fortune on.  I can't tell you my secret because I don't really have one.  Some may call me stingy but I just look for deals =]  As for handmade gifts, I've made it all.  Here's a few things I've made: 





1.  HOLIDAY CARD

I draw a holiday card every year for christmas.  It's a simple way to tell all of your loved ones that you've thought about them.  While I draw one card and mass produce it =] it stills shows thought and a sense of personality.  My mom sends it to around 50 people every year and they couldn't be more greatful.  It's an easy way to bring a smile to someones face without spending a fortune. 

2.  MOSAIC PICTURE FRAME:

This is my favorite gift to make and it is very simple to complete.  All you need is a simple unfinished wood frame ($2), some old dinner plate that you can let out your anger on =] a tube of cheap acrylic paint ($2), Elmer's glue all, a pouch of grout ($4-$6), a personal photo that you can print from home, and a few hours to set aside.  It takes about 3 hrs to complete but it is well worth it.  It is very personal while looking professional =]

3.  MOSAIC CANDLE HOLDER:

This is also a great gift.  It is exactly like the frame but on a smaller scale and it takes less time which is always good for the crazy holiday season.  Instead of the picture frame you would need a 1 1/2 inch flower pot with a base that costs under $2.    If you want to be ambitious, you can always create a set with the picture frame and a matching candle holder =] 

4.  FRAMED WATERCOLOR PAINTING:

This is the easiet present that I make.  Granted, many people think it takes hours but in fact it usually takes me about 20 - 40 mins.  First, I think of a personal image that relates to the person I'm giving it too.  This one is for my grandpa who paints birdhouses in his spare time.  This painting took me 20 mins to complete with watercolor paint and I finished it off with a simple nice frame from the dollar store =]   

We'll see how my cheap and personalized gifts go over with the family.  I hope they'll love it =]  Happy Holidays!

the END

So my last fall semester has officially ended.  I'm still in shock.  I feel like I still have projects and presentations and models to build.  It's amazing how fast this semester has gone.  No matter how fast or slow things felt this semester I am beyond excited that is it over.  Even though I am definately dreading my schedule for next semester, I'm trying to just focus on the present....winter break =]

However, for a brief time, lets go into the past.  Let's look back on the final(s) week of the semester....  Fortunately it wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be.  Usually a final week at Pratt consists of little sleep, a lot of model making, quite a few nerves being shot, and a tomato face multiple times by yours truly.  Because my finals were so spaced out, it was apparently easier to handle.  While I like the idea of getting all of my finals done and out of the way, I like it even more when I can have some down time, even if only for a few moments.  So my first final for design, which I wrote about in my last post, went surprisingly well.  The infamous Sheryl, whom I was super worried about, actually complimented me! maybe she was sick, maybe god was on my side, but who cares!! She said my design was elegant and beautiful and my model was lovely.  Yup, those are the words that came out of her mouth.  I would have never expected it, but I'm glad it happened.  Maybe she was making up for the crit in Denmark? Who knows.  My second final was for working drawings.  It was basically a semester long project which was to make a set of architectural drawings for my library design from last year.  I loved my library =] (it was the one by the dean for a scholarship competition over the summer which unfortunately I didn't win.) What I didn't love so much was the teacher for this class.  While he seems to know what he's talking about, he is a harsh grader and a not so great teacher.  I ended up with a B but not without a hard time.  My final for furniture was by far my favorite.  We had to design and build a full scale seating device, meaning an actual chair that can hold the human body.  Crazy right? Early on, I was super nervous about this project because I'm not so good with power tools.  I know, this may be shocking for some because of my massive muscles and macho demeanor but it's so true.  I had never really used power tools besides woodshop class or the occasional screw driver.  That aside, I think my chair came out pretty well and the critics agreed.  The only thing they critiqued about it was that they wished it would fold because of the joint/hinge I made.  Originally, I wanted it to fold but it would have changed the design and practicality of it.  Overall, my finals went well and I'm so happy that the semester is over.  7 semesters down and 1 more to go =]